Why? I don't know....

I would like to apologize for the lack of entries as of late, I have been a little under the weather. Ok, here's something you might not know about me, I watch a lot of tv. Ok, it's something you could pick up in any 30 second conversation with me, but some of you have never actually talked to me. I know, I need to find better ways to spend my life than stuck behind the damn boob tube, but a lot of my life is a work in progress, so cut me some slack.
In my "tv time" I've recently noticed that I will watch about 10 different things, no matter what.

Here they are, in specific order:

-Any one of the "Back to the Futures"
What can I say? I'm a sucker for anything with Michael J. Fox. Plus as you may know from previous blogs, Christopher Lloyd is a favorite.

-Seinfeld
Now this show I just LOVE. It's been a favorite for as long as I remember. I recently based a new way of life around the show*. And who doesn't love a solid Jewish comedy?

-Sportscenter
I think this one is pretty standard for any heterosexual male. It's what comes with XY chromosome.

-Family Guy
We all like this one.

-South Park
Trey Parker and Matt Stone never cease to shock me. From an elephant making love to a pig, to ripping on Scientology. Plus, Cartman is a fucking riot.

-Die Hard
Ok, constantly find myself watching any of the three. I don't think I've ever seen any of them in their entirety either. Yeah, I like Bruce Willis, what of it?

-Leathal Weapon
This one's the same as Die Hard. I don't know how these ones even end up on my TV. Honestly, I don't even really like them, except for the one with Chris Rock.

-Beverly Hills Cop
I don't know how this one gets on the TV either. It's not really funny, the action sucks, and sure enough, I'm watching it again. I blame these last three on my Dad. You'd watch them if you're old man looked like a pro-wrestler too.

That's about it. I don't know how, but I constantly find myself watching the same thing over and over. I guess it's time to turn the page on a few of them. I mean I don't even like some of them. What's my problem?


*The Seinfeld I'm referring too is the one where George does the exact opposite of what he would have normally done, it seems like what I need to do....

Saving Lives without my Help...

I just sat here for the past ten minutes trying to think about how to open this blog o' mine, and this was the only thing I could come up with. It's pretty weak isn't it? I guess my brain's creativity accidently got shut off in the chaos that was this morning. I'm not exactly sure how to turn it back on either, maybe the CPR class being taught in the next room will help.

This morning someone from the USCG was going around asking if I wanted to give blood. I responded with "No, I'm sorry, I can't." This couldn't have been more untrue, and it's not the first time I've done this either. I have never given blood. I have no idea why. I also don't know why I lied about it. There's nothing holding me back from giving blood. I'm not HIV positive. I don't have a low white blood cell count. I'm not scared of needles. My brain just spits this stuff out. I should be jumping at these chances. They're a chance to get me out of my mindless, repetitive job for 30 minutes, and return lightheaded from the loss of blood. And to think, I am gonna miss my one chance to meet the "Blood Buddy".

There was also a chance to take a free CPR class, during work hours. It's been going on for almost 2 hours now. What the hell was I thinking? I think it's because I knew I would have been scared of the manikins. I can also tell by listening to this so-called seminar that the class is a complete joke. In the two hours that the class has been going there has been two breaks. That's it, from this moment on I am taking every oppurtunity that arises to get out of the doldrums that is my work....

We as fans....

Last night, as I watched my lovely lady's softball team get pounced by a bunch of man-hating lesbians*, I realized that fans today are completely obsessed with numbers, myself included. I know, I know that we all say that we look for a player with "heart", and is "loyal", but the truth is that all we want is homeruns, and RBIs.

Meg's team began it's 3 game series last night against a group of the manliest women I have ever seen. As you may know from a previous blog I may not exactly have been around too may lesbians in my day, but from working on a boat that occasionally went to Provincetown I feel like I've seen my fair share. So, in the bottom of the 5th I heard one of the other boyfriend's/baby's daddy say "At least score a couple runs" to one of the girls. It was at that exact moment that I realized just how preoccupied fans had become with stats. The score at this point was 11-0, what difference was a couple runs going to make?

When this imposter/fan said this, it dawned on me that a win is no longer a win, and a loss is no longer a loss. I blame this primarily on Sportscenter. Even though I love it, it has gotten fans to look at almost nothing buts a player's stats. Today's professional athlete is based on their abilities within a certain field in each sport. For example, Jason Varitek is hitting .243 this year, and by everyone's standards he's having an "off" year, but I bet no one noticed that he's(before his injury) tied for 3rd in the majors in errors this year. Yes, V-tek may not be quite up to par with his batting average, but everything else is right there, but I have heard countless reminders of how he's not producing this year, even that dumb-ass Jerry Remy says so.

When it comes down to it, a so-called "great" season isn't what's going to win the World Series, or the Superbowl, it's a certain play at a certain moment. Whether it is that clutch homerun in the 9th, or a sac bunt to push the runner up an extra 90 ft in the 6th. A "W" is still a "W" no matter who homers and how many times.....


*I have absolutely nothing against lesbians. But these ones were clearly man-haters, and they were manly, I'm not joking when I tell you that one of them called me a "fag".

"Does he look like a bitch?"

I've decided that writing another blog for the day would be a great way to try and pass some time until I can go home and "herbally" remove this bad mood of mine. Is it just me or do 97% of all movies lately seem completely uninteresting? With the exception of Clerks 2 I don't think I have been intrigued by a movie in quite some time. Is this it? Has Hollywood ran out of ideas? Have they remade everything?

A perfect example of this is Snakes on a Plane. What the hell were they thinking when they came up with this piece of shit. How much PCP had the producers of that movie smoked when they sat around, looked at each other, and said "I think Snakes on a Plane would be a great title for a movie." And who exactly are they marketing to? Retards? Probably the same people that saw Miami Vice. I know that I occasionally have the tendency to exaggerate a bit, but I wouldn't watch either of those movies if I was promised I never had to work again.

Also, what was Sam Jackson thinking when he signed onto Snakes on a Plane? I doubt that he thought the plot was breathtaking, our the script was a page-turner. He did it for the money. I can see him now signing the contract screaming "Gimme the Loot!" Sam was in so many good movies too. I mean he was Mace Windu, he was in Jackie Brown, and I'm sure you all remember Pulp Fiction. I would like to choke his agent, he's the son of a bitch who told Sam to get on that movie. Ari Gold would have never let him make a shit-bum movie like Snakes on a Plane....

Bad Morning...

Yes, it's a very original title. So, this morning I woke up, and that starts any day off bad. I bet you're all thinking that you hate to wake up just as much as I do. But that's not true, I hate it much more. Why? Because it just is. So I got out of my bed, and went down to get some nice, clean clothes out of the dryer. Wrong. I put my washed clothes in the dryer, but I never started it. It could be for the same reason that I forgot to shut my car off when I got home from work yesterday. Yes, I'm a dumbass. So, I picked some dirty clothes up and hopped in the shower. I get out, comb my hair get dressed and notice it's steadily raining. Oh well, grab the umbrella and head out the door.

So my drive to work, and ride in wasn't too bad, but then I got off the boat, and everything took a turn for the worse. As soon as I stepped off the boat a downpour erupted. Now, I'm not talking any old downpour, it was what I think was the beginning of the apocalypse. With no other option I trek on. By the time I get to work I am SOAKED. From my knees down there is no dry spots, and from the knees up I am about 25% dry, and I had an umbrella. So this morning has sucked, thank God for a certain email. So now I'm wet and cranky, be afraid.......

Ignorance Indeed...

First of all, I would like to apologize to the 3 of you that actually read this blog for it being so long since the last update. I have no excuse for this other than an overwhelming sense of laziness. My bad.

I guess everything in my life has been pretty "straight"-forward. I feel like I live in the 50's. I am a 23 year old, straight, white, middle-class democrat. I have a girlfriend of the same description, and 99% of my friends fit the same mold. I have one gay cousin, and another who thought he was gay, realized he wasn't and went back. I wonder what made him realize he wasn't? Could it have been the penis? So for the most part I have been surronded by straight, white people my entire life. Then it all changed.....

Sometime last week I realized that a much-liked co-worker of mine was indeed a gay homosexual( Yes, I know that contradicts itself). I was pretty surprised by this, but never looked into it too much. I had always had questions, but it was almost like my ignorant brain didn't want to accept it. I had heard multilple girlfriend references, just never put gay and gay together. When I found out, I thought that I was going to have to watch what I said, and how I acted in front of her. I thought I was going to have to be different, then something happened....

After the second day of "gayness", I realized a few things. I'm from the north, I have a pink shirt, and I'm a democrat. I shouldn't be avoiding this gayness, I should be embracing it(well not really embracing). I realized that I got along with this co-worker really well before, and why should it stop now? I shouldn't change the way I act around said co-worker, because if I wasn't being offensive before, why would I be now? I realized that I was being ignorant by trying to change. Gay people don't want to be treated special, they want to be treated normal, because they are normal. So I again apologize for my ignorance. And if you wanna be gay, rock on...


-I apologize if anyone found this offensive. It was intended for humor and to show my own ignorance.

You won't believe the things I've seen...

Everyday I have a twenty minute walk from Rowes Wharf to 455 Commercial St. The walk itself really isn't too bad, but it's the things I see on the walk that really keep me awake. Everyday I find myself in awe of something else, just when I thought I had seen everything, and everyone there is to see on Commercial St. I'm proven wrong. So here we go:




-Christopher Lloyd in a car accident...

Great Scotts! Ok, so maybe it wasn't really Christopher Lloyd I saw in a fender bender this morning, but it sure as hell could have been his stunt double. I even thought to myself, "if that was a DeLorean, he wouldn't have hit that other car". I seriously had to stop to check this guy out because there actually was a second when I thought it really was the "Doc". I think the only way I could have really found out was if I asked him to say "1.21 Jiggowatts".




-Crazy Chinese Bike Lady

Ok, I don't have any actual proof that she's crazy, but I would bet on it. I see this lady everyday on my way to and from work. She wears one of those huge hats that you constantly see Chinese people in. She also is like riding her bike full speed all the time, seriously she had almost hit me about 5 times, I'm about to throw a big stick out in front of her just to get her to slow the "F" down. I always knew about the sterotype that Chinese people couldn't drive, but I at least thought they could handle a bike.





-People Jogging

I'm not exactly what you would call a "health nut". I thinks it's great that people jog, and what better place to do it that along the waterfront in Boston. But, there has been a about 10 days this summer over 90 degrees, and the past two days have been right around 100. I don't even think it's healthy to be excercising in this. I know that I sweat like Ray Charles trying to read, and I am DRENCHED when I finish my 20 minute walk, so I can only imagine how terrible these crazy bastards must be by the time they're done. I could even understand if they were playing a sport or something in this heat, at least that would be entertaining, the people are just running, there's no skill in running. So I ask these people, "Just how crazy are you?"


So everyday I see something a little better than the one before, and I wonder if God's just messing with me, or I just happen to see funny things like some guy tripping over his over feet and falling face first into what seemed like a pile of poo(no, I didn't stop to investigate, because anything that resembles poop should be left alone). I wondering what's next? Midgets? I hope it's midgets....

Fidel Steps Down...

Due to recent activities in Cuba I have decided to stick with the recent Communist theme and inform you of some recent activities in The Land of Cigars(Cuba). First I'll give you a little bit of a background on Cuba. The people of Cuba live in a communist state, and if you read the previous blog you'll know what that means. Ay Comrade? Fidel Castro is the President, but I would say he's more like a dictator, ok he is a dictator, or maybe even just a dick. He's been the leader of the country since 1959, and he won his last election with 100% of the vote. That sounds kinda fishy to me. Until yesterday his brother was the Vice President. I'm not too sure if you know or not, but the people of Cuba live in fear, they fear their government, and the people who control it, so much that the people are constantly trying to leave their country on rafts. When I say rafts I mean 1955 Chevy's. I'm serious, these crafty cigar rollers have found ways to convert these old beasts from Detroit into rafts, that's crazy.

So today Fidel Castro put out a statement saying that he will be temporarily relinquishing his power to his brother for a few weeks. Supposedly this is due to surgery that he underwent for intestinal bleeding. Now Fidel actually holds three posistions is Cuba, commander of the armed forces, president of the Council of State and first secretary of the Communist party. Sounds like a dictator to me. His brother Raul has now taken over these posistions while Castro "relaxes" for a couple weeks, because apparently the surgery requires this. Does this sound like the actions of a man who has ruled over his people with an iron fist for the past 47 years? I think not. It sounds to me like Fidel is about to take a dirt nap, and if you ask me it's about time. So in the next few weeks I will keep you updated, and let you know if the tariff's on the world finest cigars and hookers has been lifted, until then.....